When I was a kid, I remember waking up in the morning and thinking, “Something’s new…” Then I would remember. It could have been as simple as “I’m going to spend the weekend at my grandparent’s.” Or “Today’s the day I get my new bike.” Or even, “I have a new outfit to wear to school today.” If the event or “thing” was a few days away, it was always in the back of my mind. No matter how bad the day went, I would always think, “But there’s THAT.” And I would be happy.
I have found through this walk with our Golden Child, that the opposite is true. When I am having a good day; when I am celebrating some small success at work; when I am enjoying riding my bike or driving in my car with the top down; there’s a little thought lurking in the back of my mind, “But…..he’s ill.” Just like the childhood lift of anticipation, there’s an immediate seriousness. Not that I am overcome with grief at that point, but there comes a soberness that all is not right with my world.